Miles last week: 23.25 running / 8.9 mile bike
Miles this week: 23 running
Remember just last week when I was all “my training is going really well!” and “I’m having some great long runs!” and “I’m feeling pretty good about my upcoming races!”
That was so last week.
Pretty much right after I hit publish on that update, my training (physically and mentally) has tanked.
I don’t want to run. I hate running. My runs feel awful.
I had a ten mile long run this past Saturday, which should have been easy since it was a decrease in miles before heading up to 13 and 14 mile territory in the coming weeks. Like the responsible Saturday-morning-long-run, mom-in-training athlete that I am, I did not imbibe any alcohol on Friday night, and had pancakes for dinner. It’s a formula that has worked well for Saturday morning runs, albeit with a dose of cranky, deprived, resentful, end of week grumpiness.
I have found that I prefer that to the “I deserve to indulge in pizza and wine” Friday night cavalier, throw-caution-to-the-wind brazenness, followed by the “oh my god, I am 40 years old and might not make it to the bathroom, for real” Saturday morning mid-run panic.
6am Saturday morning – alarm goes off. Hit snooze. I don’t want to run.
6:10am – alarm goes off. Hit snooze. What the HELL?! I don’t want to get up. I’m a grown woman. I get up before 6am ALL WEEK. I hate running.
6:20am – alarm goes off. Hit snooze. If you do not get your ass out of bed, it will get hot. It’s supposed to be high 80’s. Hot running is worse than early running.
6:30am – alarm goes off. Hit snooze. If you do not get up VERY VERY SOON, you will not have time to run for 2 hours and recover and get ready for your nephew’s hockey game. Get. your. ass. out. of. bed.
6:40am – alarm goes off. Hit snooze. Okay, here’s the deal. You can walk as much as you want. You don’t have to run it. Just cover 10 miles. It will still count. Run as slow as you want. Just. Get. Up.
7:20am – okay. Let’s do this. I can do this. Go as slow as you want.
Mile 1 – 11:50min/mile pace. Wow. You’re taking this “go as slow as you want” seriously, aren’t you. Okay. 1 mile down. 9 to go. Oof.
Mile 2 – 11:15 min/mile pace. This isn’t too bad…except I have 8 miles more to go. Stop it. Run the mile you’re in. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Although, let’s be honest, that’s an asinine statement, because it’s not like you can forget all the miles waiting for you. I mean, if I did that, I would stop at the end of this mile. I ran my mile! I’m done! But I can’t. I have 8 more. How do I not think about that?
Mile 3 – 11:17 min/mile pace. Haven’t walked yet. Maybe there’s something to this reverse psychology. Like, I can walk any time I want to, so I don’t need to walk. Maybe I can do this for 7 more miles! Except I really want to be done. Because this is boring. And my legs hurt. And I’m so tired of running every Saturday morning for hours.
Mile 4 – 11:24 min/mile pace. Bored. Bored bored bored bored BORED.
Mile 5 – 11:32 min/mile pace. Half way done. Only half way. Let’s mix it up. Maybe I’ll try that walk/run method for the next 5 miles to see how my splits compare. Except I’m really kind of tired. And I don’t think that’s how it works.
Mile 6 – 11:39 min/mile pace. Okay, I’m slowing down. Let’s play the pace game. Let’s see if I can run exactly the same pace for the next mile.
Mile 7 – 11:38 min/mile pace. That so totally counts. Did it. 3 more miles. You’ve got to be kidding me.
Mile 8 – 12:00 min/mile. I said I could walk.
Mile 9 – 12:13 min/mile. This is where, if I were on a treadmill, I would get off. Just stop. But I’m on a trail. I wish I could do one of those I Dream of Jeannie head nod-blinks and teleport back to my car. Because I hate this. I hurt. And I’m tired. And no one is making me do this except me. So I’m stupid and I’m tired.
Mile 10 – 12:43 min/mile. Done. Everyone says you don’t regret a long run. That you’re happy when you finish. Am I happy? No. No I am not. My stomach hurts. My legs hurt. I hate running.
I wish I could tell you Sunday’s run of 5.5 miles was better, but it was pretty much exactly that inner dialogue, minus 4.5 miles.
I’m in a running funk. Hoping I pull out of it soon.