I wrote last year that I usually make New Year’s goals (which sound more forgiving than resolutions) on January 1st, however arbitrary and contrived. As today is the last day of 2015, I thought I would reflect and recap how much I accomplished (or as the case may be, missed the mark).
1. Run 1000 miles: Welp, fell (165 miles) short on that one. As of this morning’s run, I clocked 835 miles in 2015.
Strangely, I am really, really okay with this.
I’ve written a lot about my ambivalence (antipathy?) for running in 2015. I only ran 1 half marathon (compared to 3 in 2014), and struggled at various points to complete even 3 or 4 slow miles. I’m at the point in my running journey where the novelty of medals and races has worn off, and the dedication and discipline needed for early mornings, careful Friday night pre-long run nutrition, and hours upon hours of pounding pavement (or the treadmill) is wearing thin.
Given that, I’m proud I’ve remained as consistent and dedicated as I have. I’m still running, a lot. I have races on the horizon. I’m still putting in the miles. So it wasn’t 1000 miles. It was close enough. And it was 835 more miles than I ran for 20+ years of my adult life.
2. Finally break a 30min for a 5k. Done! Not once, but twice. Current PR is sitting pretty at a 29:10. Can I break a 29? I think so, but even if I don’t, I’m happy I hit this.
3. Take my daily vitamins. I hit this goal as well. Did I take my vitamins every single night in 2015? No, but I think it’s a fair estimate that I remembered 5 nights out of 7, on average. That counts in my book.
4. Read for pleasure. Relatively speaking, I did well on this. Whereas relative is in relation to previous years, not necessarily compared to where I would like to be. I did read more. I did not read as much as I felt I should have, or could have. It’s just so hard (insert whiny tone) with the running and the teaching and the reading I do for my courses (which I don’t count as “pleasure”, but is a good amount of reading) and the parenting. And all the television viewing. Ahem. But I guess I can count this as a win, since I did make a concerted effort to read more all year long, and did. Ish.
5. Put down the damn iPhone. Depending on the month, week or day, I either nailed this goal, or failed miserably. After all, I did take a 2 week break, when I abstained (almost) completely. But there were other week periods where I definitely spent too many mindless
hours minutes on the little screen.
Overall, much like my reading for pleasure goal, I think it was an admirable effort. I was more conscious of my use, and made a concerted effort to unplug more (or at the very least, felt guilty when I didn’t).
6. The forgiveness thing. What to say about this goal? It’s hard to write about, both for privacy reasons (my kids are getting older), and, well, privacy reasons (I’m well aware this post is being scrutinized). I will say that I had a liberating breakthrough in May after reading Janis Abrahms Spring’s How Can I Forgive You? about reframing my acceptance of what happened during, and following, my first marriage. My goal became less about forgiveness for them, and more about making them irrelevant (for me). Some might argue that the shift is purely semantic, but it gave me permission to not be upset about ongoing issues with my ex husband and his wife, because I’m not trying to get to a different relationship with them. It is what it is.
Did I forgive them in 2015? I got to a place where I don’t even care if I’ve forgiven them, because I just don’t have the emotion invested to reflect on the relationships. I don’t feel like I have much of anything invested at all, except a legal and moral obligation to follow a court enforceable document for 6 more years.
Maybe that’s what forgiveness feels like? I don’t know. I don’t care. I just know I’m in a better place about the whole crazy mess.
Goals for 2016? That will have to wait until the New Year, which I’ll be ringing in with my extended and immediate family. Here’s to a happy, healthy, peaceful 2016 for all.